A little Dwight

Last weekend I had the chance to go home and visit mom and dad. One day me and dad were driving in Orem and we stopped at a red light. I happened to look over and I couldn't believe what I saw. Someone had drawn Dwight on the utility box!!! For those who don't know, Dwight Schrute is a main character in the NBC hit TV show THE OFFICE! It is so funny and films like a documentary. The show is made up of about ten unique characters to form a dynamic group of coworkers who experience every day occurrences in an office. Here are only a few quotes by Mr. Dwight himself. They should ring a bell for those weekly viewers . I promise you'll laugh. If you don't, there is something seriously wrong with you!!

*He put my stapler in Jell-O again!

*In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

*Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.

*Dwight Schrute: FIRE! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Phyllis: You say that every week.
Dwight Schrute: DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!
Oscar: Relax.
Dwight Schrute: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BURN VICTIM!?

* [indicating his purple belt] This is not a toy, this is a message to the entire office so that everyone can see I can physically dominate them.

*I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

*Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of "Oklahoma!" in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good.

* I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...

*There are several ways to tell if a perp is lying...
The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hand, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.

*As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I've been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out.. she was. With a couple of guys, actually... so. Mystery solved.

*Pam: Sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like, what it means, instead of what it is.
Dwight Schrute: You mean ... like a ham?
Pam: No. Not like a ham.

*(After he didn't tip the sub man) Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

*Dwight Schrute: OK. I'm going to have to search your car. Give me your keys.
Ryan Howard: I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight Schrute: Don't make me do this the hard way.
Ryan Howard: What's the hard way?
Dwight Schrute: I go down to the police station, on my lunch break. I tell a police officer (I know several) what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
Ryan Howard: Yeah, let's do it that way.

*I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions.

*Dwight Schrute: Do you know what this is?
[slides a picture of marijuana on the table]
Phyllis: Yes. It's marijuana.
Dwight Schrute: [raising voice] How do you know that?
Phyllis: It's labelled.
Dwight Schrute: [whispering] Damn it.

*Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

*[Dwight is wearing a tuxedo]
Pam: It's a nice tux.
Dwight Schrute: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so... family heirloom.

*Pam: If you wanna do something for the funeral...
Dwight Schrute: Yes, please.
Pam: Maybe you could play a song on your recorder.
Dwight Schrute: Excellent.
Pam: Do you have it with you?
Dwight Schrute: Always.

*[bringing in a dead goose] I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!

*Michael Scott: I have a special assignment for you.
Dwight Schrute: Who's the target?
Michael Scott: A sensitive e-mail has been released to the office. It contains a file, a picture, the filename is jamaica-jan-sun-princess.
Dwight Schrute: What's it of?
Michael Scott: Not important.
Dwight Schrute: I'm not sure, you need to tell me everything or I cannot accept this assignment.
Michael Scott: Ok. Forget it.
Dwight Schrute: Ok, I accept it.

* Learn your rules... You better Learn your rules... If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep, ARRCK!

Here's to Dwight - Mr. Bobblehead himself!!
Thanks for making us laugh each and every week!